Message Received

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Broke the writer’s block, BAM. Helps when you actually let yourself take that much-needed step back to put shit into perspective. Also effective – considering the endless possibilities in addition to the default worst case scenario. The former brought to you by Neil deGrasse Tyson. Chalking the latter up to dear Brittany, best friend extraordinaire. Thank FSM for that bitch.

So. The way I usually write is incredibly undisciplined. Most of my favorite ideas come in snippets during thought-free moments when I just stop. freaking. out. and consider things from a logical, outside view. Reassure myself that I’m human, not crazy. Then sorting out how to say what needs saying seems less daunting. But these moments have been few and far between til recently so I sometimes I only get a line at a time. I write them on my iPhone notes apps and save them for later. First line of this song I wrote? Message received.

I’ve picked at this off and on for a couple weeks. Finally made myself polish it up and post it because damnit, it’s been months.

Message Received

What have I done
I’ve such regret
It replays and relays from one corner to the next
How could I forget?
And where are you
How could you leave me
Dangling and angling for a simple cup of coffee
A weeping willow tree
I scream, I’m out of sound just aching to go back
Maybe I can reset our train on this old track
When I reach out
You shut me down
This stalemate leaves me hanging and I’m wondering how,
Where to run to now?
When I reach out
You shut me down
My brain stays stuck here but the gears they spin around
On the self-same ground
And yes, I chose to lift this weight from my chest
Only to see it now lashed to my neck
But how could you, knowing me like you do
Let my mind run wild, witholding every clue?
Message received
What have I done
And what’s it for
I can’t just use my foot to stop a closing door
No, I’ll risk more
Oh, where are you
Where’s my relief
From trudging along so many stages of grief
Let this be brief
I’m still as a china doll bracing to shatter
Maybe if I don’t move I’ll stay put together
When I reach out
You shut me down
This stalemate leaves me hanging and I’m wondering how,
Where to run to now?
When I reach out
You shut me down
My brain stays stuck here but the gears still spinning around
On the self-same ground
And more than not knowing the true crime
The worst is not knowing it was the last time
You don’t know the world you take me to
What is family if not you?
Message received
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