talk about it

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wordpress app, why didn’t i discover you earlier?

i’ve referenced consumers of art adding their own layers before, and while i hate to admit this (because it makes me feel like a cheater), i have a trick that helps me when i’m stuck.

sometimes i get lucky with a song and the words come with a melody. buuuttt this hasn’t happened since high school. i decided i can’t stop trying just because the stars aren’t aligned to give me all my creative bursts at once.

so. if i plateau when writing lyrics, i match the beat structure to a song i like. if i can sing it along to an existing tune it usually helps shake out the remaining lyrics stuck in my brain.

it’s also a bad trap because it makes me lazy on the music…but because i haven’t composed since maybe 2003? i figure it can’t hurt to borrow a tune for my private headcanon until something original comes along.

i feel like a thief when i do this, even though no one would’ve known if i hadn’t spilled my tea everywhere. i don’t perform my words with anyone else’s music without permission. yet the inspiration still makes me feel like a phony. not being real is such a hang-up of mine.

anyway. my partner in faux-crime today was ingrid michaelson’s parachute. i heard it for the first time earlier this month and spent my morning listening to the four remixes on spotify. on repeat. ad nauseum. which is how i like to experience everything i love. i wear things i love so thin they become a ragged security blanket i can’t bring myself to throw away. but that’s a story for another day.

ugh now i’m worried i drew too much inspiration after rereading obsessively but here i go throwing caution to the wind via the post button. maybe i suck but that’s the risk i’m taking!

the lyrics

give me the smile
that buckles my knees
flash me the blues all across this screen

touch my skin
in my dreams
if i could make any mistake i please

but i won’t
no i won’t
but i won’t
no no no i won’t

tease my heart
with such blithe irony
yes i see you but do you see me

hold me a beat
to change our key
of course i want you to dance with me

but i won’t
no i won’t
but i won’t
no no no i won’t

don’t, let’s
talk about it
i can’t
talk about it
no, let’s
talk about it
i don’t want to talk about it

lift me up, up
pull me down, down
i want to talk about it
no more chasing round

don’t let’s
talk about it
i can’t
talk about it
hope we
talk about it
i don’t want to talk about

lift me up, up
pull me down, down
let’s not talk about it
bury my heart underground

touch my lips
i won’t stop you now
wait a minute i’ve tripped i’m falling off this cloud

hit the ground
i can’t figure out
i’d tell you everything if i could only make a sound

but i won’t
no i won’t
but i won’t
oh no no i won’t

take your time
i’ll wait patiently
oh no i won’t i need the cure for this disease

take your time
wait for me
i’ll stand in line while i’m here begging on my knees

but i won’t
no i won’t
but i won’t
no no no i won’t

don’t, let’s
talk about it
i can’t
talk about it
no, let’s
talk about it
i don’t want to talk about it

lift me up, up
pull me down, down
i want to talk about it
no more chasing round

don’t let’s
talk about it
i can’t
talk about it
hope we
talk about it
i don’t want to talk about

lift me up, up
pull me down, down
let’s not talk about it
bury my heart underground

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spit it out

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first post from my phone. i am avoiding all responsibility because my body has stopped functioning properly from stress. i had to take a minute to do some blood-letting aka writing.

it’s been over six months since i last posted but at least this time i’ve been continuously capturing my writing snippets. this one spit itself out this morning because my brain couldn’t process anything until i got it out of me. i’m still not okay but fuck it. i will be again someday.

the lyrics

i’m wide-eyed oblivious
no, it’s not obvious
i can’t read into anything because i read into everything

spell it out for me

it’s dangerous
you’re contagious
the spectrum i’m running it’s running away with my well being

this time
it’s not right
but my body it screams every day
to find
the time
some tucked away corner
in my mind
where we
can hide

here i was hoping
heart expanding, contracting
toss turning because i can’t get to sleep

here i was wanting
here i am fading
from living off what you allow me to keep

i can’t sleep

spit it out
spit it out
spit it out
spit it out
spit it out
spit it out
spit it out